My parents are tired of caring about us? Bro so poor thing. He can only cry over this poor life of his.
Life isn't fair, right?
I remember teacher asking are you happy in school. I'll surely answer no. I'm not happy at home, how can I be happy at school? (Why not?)
I don't know.
I'm such a failure in life. Things I wish for didn't come true.
Primary school, I want to study else where but not neighbourhood school, in the end, I freaking get into Damai.
Secondary school, I want to go to JC. But I freaking failed my EL. If not, my R5 will be 15, I can still go to JC. I don't mind going to a bad one.
Sec Scl, I want to get good conduct star, but I never get it. Stupid me thinks that getting that freaking star will make myself happy.
Sec scl , I want to watch NC 16 movie on my birthday, but i didn't.
After o level, I wanted to go out with my class mates, but I freaking didn't.
After o level, I wanted to get a job, But I freaking didn't.
During holidays, I thought of calling my friend to ask them out, but I freaking didn't.
One day I'll just realise that everything I wanted to do, I never did.

I thought waiting for someone to finish a conversation is the right thing instead of cutting in. Now I know that if you don't cut in, people will stare at you and ask "are you ear dropping us?"

I thought that listening is better than talking. Now I've learnt that if you don't speak up, people will thought that you are day dreaming, and not listening to them.

I thought calling names is a bad thing. Now I know that if people don't call you names, you are the nobody(no ones cares about you)

I thought smiling is good. Now I know that it's making myself worse because others will be asking"why are you smiling at me?"

I thought being a good student is to make sure every homework is done neatly and correctly. Now, it is those who make effort to get near the teachers and become teacher's pets are called "good student"

I thought putting in effort means work hard and do homework by myself. Now, putting effort means throwing money to the government and get a tutor.

I thought making friends is the "heart" part. Now, making friends is the "look" part.

I thought friends are just people. Now, friends are stranger than strangers.

I thought I'm who I am. Now, I feel like air.

I thought birthday is my day, a happy day. Now, it's a day for excuse to splurge, and I'm not satisfied.

I think no one in this world knows me well, including me myself .

Birthday wishes are crap. None have came true. I know why. I haven't done my part, that's all. No one told me how to do it. My parents are just too busy with their work. Money is important. Someday when I die, I must at least own a big house, a nice sport car, a garden, and lots of money. I want to die on 20.12.2012, if that's the year the world comes to an end. I wonder how will I die. I don't want to be drown. Maybe the government should make more euthanasia solution so that we don't need to struggle to death.

I wonder whether my parents have regrets.

I wonder what will happen if you had never met this person-"me". What will happen? If I never knew anyone from Damai, I won't die or be sad. If I not know anyone in primary school, I won't be sad and it don't matter. What matters? When I know that I'm not going to get what I want. Being disappointed for like, the thousand time? When I want a listening ear, I get it, but I can't get words out of my mouth. Is it so difficult to speak? Sometimes I wonder is it better for me to become mute. If you lose it, you'll cherish it. Then, I will want to express myself more.

If life was a roller coaster ride, mine is already broken even before I want to ride it.
Why so negative? I don't have friends to ride with me, my parents can't afford to repair my roller coaster and I just stare at my broken roller coaster and did nothing about it. Sometimes, I love to watch other people's roller coastal rides. Wow! Their roller coasters are cool. With many friends, many ups and little downs, so fun and exciting. I just want to watch them enjoy and stay with my broken roller coaster and I don't know what to do about it. If mum and dad had taught me how to repair this roller coaster, I will have one to invite my friends and ride it. Even if my friends invited me to ride on theirs', I want to ride mine instead. I want to be the first to ride on my own roller coaster.

After knowing the truth(what?), I realise that I've been lying, cheating myself. Maybe it's going to be sad, but it's still better to know it before something happen. Hate my imagination.

I tried to give myself chances to live well, but I don't know how. If I have my primary school teacher back, she will teach me how. I love her! :'( cry!

If tears can be use to exchange for something, I can give all to you. There's a saying -there's no use crying over a spilled milk. But many things cannot be controlled. Emotions, being sad. How not to cry? I just want something. It's important. No money can buy. Can I exchange for it? How?

If there's a guide book for life, will you buy? I won't. Life is a piece of paper. Whether is it a colourful one or a blank one, it's up to you to draw. If life is a book, whether is it a happy ending or a sad ending, whether is it touching, interesting, sad, etc, it's up to you to write.

If I want a custom-make one, where can I buy it?

I'm such a weakling, only know how to cry after falling down, I forgot to stand up and fight.

334th post

Have been watching 下一站，幸福幕后花絮.
Very cute! Xiao le is very professional in terms of acting!
He must have make alot of money. So envy!